"Get up," she said. Her face was anexpressionless mask."I can't!" I insisted, breathless, defeated.She crouched by my head. "Get up." She slapped me, ...nd then punched mein the shoulder. "Get up."My eyes burned with sweat but not with tears, even though the sense ofbetrayal was nearly more than I could bear. I did want to get up--forher, the sense of failure was nearly sickening, but my limbs were deadto me, my lungs burned with exhaustion and the pain was overwhelming."I...."Her fingers curled. It does feel great to be rubbed and grabbed, but I just feel a little uncomfortable if a guy, er, well, spreads me open, back there. I'm a little sensitive about my asshole. I've never had anal sex. I'm just worried about how dirty I might be, and of course, how much it will hurt. Even vaginal penetration, especially if I'm not fully wet, can hurt a bit. Some of my girlfriends who have tried anal sex said it was unpleasant and painful for them. I imagine you'd have to be really relaxed to enjoy. ? I curse myself as I take the blindfold, put it in place, and tie it on. I feel even blinder than a bat.I timidly knock on the door. The door opens almost immediately which is the only thing that keeps me from bolting to my car. I am so terrified I can’t even speak. I feel my whole body suffuse with heat and I can’t believe I’m fucking here. There’s no good reason to be here. I start to turn away because one of my many fears is that you are going to strip me in public and I just don’t have the. Even the crash had not hadthis much of an effect on me. The haunting image of the General'ssecretary in her moment of death clung to my dreams, but this... this wasbrutally being relived by my neural circuitry, like some sort of feedbackloop.Gradually I towelled myself off, and as I dried my vagina a starkrevelation hit me - I was a female agent, and the worst torture was notthe electricity, rather it was rape. Somewhere between realising that Iwas now vulnerable to worst excesses of a human.
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