It's not that I didn't enjoy the raw sex, I did very much. But I also enjoyed the more tender moments. Yes, I was attracted to Frank but I looked forw...rd to more gentle sex with any of the men who approached me that way. I also became excited over the prospect with being with the women. Sex with them was different, more tender and giving. With women it seemed as though my lover was primarily interested in my pleasure.I was a little surprised when Mark suggested we go out to dinner the following. As you arranged when you were passing the prison laundry without a word he went right and you left. Sneaking through the darkened laundry you find the new clothes you arranged for, and after changing you make you way to the outside door it was indeed left unlocked. Opening the door you slip out into the dark walkway to the parking lot, then the unexpected happens. Coming around the corner of the building, you literally run into one of the new guards taking an after shift smoke before going. Did this one event, however traumatic, have power over the rest of my life? Had it changed me? I felt hopeless and defeated. But that wasn't the whole of it. I felt somehow, also, kind of... complete? My mind and body shuddered at the implications. It was scarier to think that something dark and twisted had always been in me and just been let out. Traumas you recover from over time - but can you escape your true nature? Should you? It was too much to grasp. Too much to think about. Maybe I was. Mein bhi unki taraf picche pichhe bagha unhone jaldi se bathroom ka gate band kar liya tha lakin khuda ki mahar se woh itne darwaja band hi nahin kar payi thi ki mein bhi aandar gus gaya aab hum dono bathroom mein the maine apni jeb mein se rung nikala aur chachi ko rung lagaya toh china japti mein mera haath unke blouse ke aandar chala gaya aur unka blouse fat gaya mujhe badi sharam aayi phir mein baathoom ke aandar se bahar nikal aaya. Aur mein aapne ghar aa gaya aur mujhe kafi dur bhi lag.
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