That night Caren asked if something was bothering me and like a pouting little boy I said no and went and slept on the couch.My car wouldn’t start, ...nd my company car was in the shop, so I left a note on the box of chocolates telling Caren to rent a car until I could get mine fixed. I left for work in her car. The people in the office knew something was up and walked near me as if the floor around me was glass and there was drop of a mile under it. About 2:00 I got a call, it was Caren, and she. "Kaya, look at me when I am talking to you. I will askagain, what is your punishment?"The unknown is one of the most common reasons for fear. Not knowing whatis happening or going to happen takes away any sort of control from aperson. Kaya had no idea what the future was going to be. What was goingto be the punishment or what kind of relationship she was going to havewith any member of her family? Did she even have a family? Her dad gaveup on her and her brother's opinion of her being a cunt. It was a great honor for Larry. I was happy for him, but at the same time, it made me start to think about my passion, my artwork. I was not being taken seriously by the art community. I had a little niche gallery out of my home that was becoming famous for naughty painting parties, not the quality of my artistic talents. I think I started to resent Larry and his success. The more recognition he received, the more dissatisfied I became with Live Oaks and my involvement with it.I was an artist.. Since I saw the television programme I have been reflecting on what happened more objectively. It seems to me that Bill was in some ways a victim of his mother in the same way I was. It did not have the disastrous financial consequences for him that it had for me. The hurt he felt at my alleged betrayal must have been really painful for him, because I truly believe that at that point we were madly in love and were planning a future together. When we hurt like that, as I well know now we tend to.
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