Her thighs clenched again as she tried to twist away, but it only hurt her more. There was no escape. It was too big. She opened her eyes to see herse...f staring back, frightened and degraded. She gagged dangerously on him. He knew what it meant. He pulled out and watch her spit a little sputum onto the floor and then bring up some of that afternoon’s water onto her thigh. He knew that she could not wipe it off, and wondered how wretched that would make her feel. He pulled back on the chain,. I knew better, but I did it anyway. And I cursed myself for doing it all the while.Every thought of Ben recalled the very things I'd done to betray him. My very love for him had become a poisonous symbol of that which I'd lost, a reminder of how far I'd fallen, and I'd needed to get away from it all.It hadn't been easy, and I hadn't been entirely successful. Sure, seeing new things and visiting new places had been a welcome distraction, and as long as I was occupied with posing for pictures. I hadn’t told my folks yet that I wasn’t coming back to PCAD. I hated it.If anything, Christmas break was even more depressing than my first semester had been. My best friend didn’t come home. Apparently, her parents had arranged to have Christmas in Hawaii and she flew straight back to the East Coast. I hung out with a couple of guys from high school, but all I could see was how much we had become different. I guess that’s one thing about high school; no matter how individual you are, you all. 'A pause.'How about...now? Tonight?' I asked. My pulse was racing. I couldn't wait...'Now? Uh...Well, sure, but...You'll have to give me a little time to get ready...How about if you come back at around ten? That OK?''Ten! I'll be back.' I finished my coffee and we small talked some, but as I left Missy's apartment, life felt very different, somehow...I felt like a different person. Living a different life...I was going to get a private show with easily the most beautiful stripper on the west.
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