At that point I was indeed trying my best to avoid probing my body by a male gynecologist, but little could I guess that this ashram visit would actua...ly be a shameful remembrance for me lifelong. The way I was exploited in the name of "diksha", in the name of "treatment", and in the name of "jagya" makes me feel so ashamed even today, after so many years. I was exploited so very cleverly and emphatically at every level and my desire to get a child was so high that I allowed everything crossing. We watched a couple of movies and once the clock struck eleven, the girls headed home - except for Emma. She stayed because she wanted to talk. She had been having problems with her boyfriend Luke. He was a complete asshole and she knew he was cheating but he kept on denying it. She wanted to leave him but she loved him too much to do that. "Listen Em, he's bad for you. Don't be the kind of girl who takes it on the chin and just ignores his cheating. You're too good for that." I say. Emma. I’d flex and growl for her and wrestle with her and pin her to the ground. It was still just playing, of course, and the immature i****tuous love I felt for her was still just an uneasy feeling whenever my crotch rubbed against her for a second.Mom worked as a nurse on the nightshift. It seemed perfect to me. She’d work while I slept, then while I was at school, she’d sleep. But my senior year of high school, this change. She had been working “per diem” which I guess means when they needed her.. Young guy! Young guys don’t like old women – they like their hot cheeks!” i laughed and said “you are so funny. Young guys are always looking out for mature women – like you. Because they know what they are doing.” she laughed and said, “Who would date me? I am 43 years old. Would you date a woman like me?” i said, “yes i would.” she said, “well, then let’s this be our date.” i said, “why not? Let this be our date.” we laughed and chatted a little bit about work and the laptop issues she is.
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