It's cruel, and it's designed to break the spirit. The ones that make it through all that ... they can count on to be stone-reliable. Fast-roping and ...bstacle courses and ten-kay runs with gear on is over in a day. Those guys are cold and miserable for months."Ben gave her a strange look, one with a little respect, and asked her if she'd go through what the men did. "In a heartbeat," she answered, "but they won't let me."Dillon and Lenore left Ben thinking, she saw. I still want to know what. My dad kept them and it tore our family apart. Mom and Lilly kept them and it tore me apart. I’d kept my feelings for Lana a secret for years. Everyone knew, but so long as I didn’t say it, the secret was still intact in my head. After all the damage that secrets had done, I couldn’t keep that one any more. I had to tell her. That was what broke the ice. I’d clung to that secret and it had kept me in my shell. Now I’ve let it go and I’m not really much different in my head, but I’m not afraid. " I said, even though that barely mattered to me. "Another thing is that dad, is, he's who I'm giving my first time too. I'm sorry, Aaron." I spoke with tenderness, yet still kept a sense of power in my voice. "Aryana Jaydyn, you have to be kidding me. I don't believe for a second that you have not had sex." "It's the truth. I sucked a few and things like that, but have never had a penis in me. Dad was close until, well you know how that turned out." "Oh wow. I really want to fuck you." He. Like, at all. All that she had waiting for her in her crampedlittle SRO was the few boxes of piecework that needed to be finished.The piecework was boring, repetitive, back breaking and it paid apittance for hours of hand-cramping work. But it was the only work thatshe could find. When she came out, everyone that she knew in her old lineof work had quietly refused to acknowledge that she existed. Just likeher family. And without those contacts, passing -or not passing- as shedid, the drudgery.
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