And my mom; well she had a lot to answer for too. I wondered how she’d handled the infidelity and the abortion when she faced our maker.I think Sara... had told me everything. That didn’t mean forgiveness. That didn’t mean no divorce, but it meant a lot. I had a lot to think about.~~v~~Monday morning was almost apocryphal. Sarah and I were super nice around the girls. We were careful how we talked and how we acted. It was kind of bittersweet, like maybe the end of something. It was too. I didn’t. I wanted to explain what i meant.“enough harsh!!” she said furiously. “kya kar saktey ho tum? Go dance naked in the building compound. You can do anything, right? Go do that and you’ll get through”. I was stunned. She too probably didn’t realize what she had just said in a fist of fury.When she did though, she couldn’t look into my eyes anymore. She was calming down now. This was my chance to speak, i knew. “i will do that too mam, but not where you want me to. If you want, i’ll do it here”. I. Her body, somehow took the invasion and violations and responded many times over.She was aware of Paul at the periphery of her vision and consciousness, but would not have been able to say if he had touched her since taking her arm and standing her in front of the host.At last, the night ended. Paul took her home but either, didn’t have the energy left, or was being considerate of the delicacy she was inevitably suffering from, to do very much more than hold her tenderly as they slept.The. Knowing that it was so wrong. That I shouldn’t have let him do it. But I did. And I enjoyed it. You can’t let it happen again, but…“I don’t really think I should, if you’re in here,” I replied nervously.He turned and looked up at me, with a smile on his lips.“Well...there’s only you and me here. And I’m not going to say anything,” he replied, his voice almost a whisper.No! It’s happening all over again. It can’t. Not again. Don’t let it. You can’t live with the self-disgust and shame of it.“I.
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