While having my old male thoughtsback put me at odds with my body, at least I was content with who I wasinside. Now it was the opposite and the intern...l conflict was far worsethan the other one had ever been.I tried to focus my thoughts, try to realign them with my old male wayof thinking. When I thought about being a boy, having a penis and beingattracted to girls, I felt sick to my stomach. After forcing thethoughts on my mind for a few moments more, I had to run to thebathroom to vomit.I. He had a good sense of humor, though corny. We liked some of the same movies, and we suggested some of our favorites to each other.Soon we were back at our cars. I hadn't felt "the spark" with him so I said good night. He looked disappointed but took it graciously.Another week went by and the pickings were slim. Too far away ... bald ... five dogs?! Ugh.Finally, I dropped PaleWriter a line. Would he like to go to a movie?We watched an action thriller but he didn't try to put his arm around my. A few times he haltingly tried to date women. Heeven had a girlfriend for a while, though the relationship never wentvery far. "The only real ongoing relationship I have is with myfantasy woman."He satisfied himself as best he could through masturbation. "It'sbetter than nothing, besides I can be any woman I want to be inside myhead for a few minutes, even if it's not a physical reality."He recognized that the term Cross-Dreamer applied to him. There wasalso a fancy name for this condition:. Growing smiles can be seen on their shadowed faces as their leader's words uplift their hearts."Lecia's right..." This is just the beginning!" Can we assume it's a failure though?" Well, even though it was intense, the flames didn't last very long." That doesn't mean it's a failure or success though. How vexing." This is why I was against performing this. For all we know, we could've died! Do we even have a small clue what this was supposed to do?" Our linguist says it may have to do with rain.
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