" I don't know where you got the hormones," he said, "but you are clearlytaking big doses. I know what the effects are. I know why you'retaking them... Deny as much as you like. You're transsexual. Use theletter if you want to. Or deny and suppress it if you think you can dothat. It's up to you."The next few days were a time of huge turmoil for me. I researchedthings and I did not meet the criteria for transgender. I had not"always felt myself to be female". I just had a female side to. Nuvvu chedipoyaavu raaa..?Aunty: nee vayasu kuda aa ammai ante undi kada….?Me: avunu… Aunty.Me: mari mee vayasu kuda aaa uncle anta undi kadaaaa aunty…?Aunty: avunu.Aunty: nenu inko vishayam adagana… Nunnu…?Me: enti… Cheppandi.. Aunty.Aunty: nuvvu mee amma, uncle ni chesukovadam chusinappudu neeku emi enipinchada…?Me: enipistundi. Naaku kuda evarinaina cheyyali ani. Andukane blue films chustanu.Aunty: neku evaraina istama.Me: ledu. Kani chala mandini istapadatanu. Vallanu cheste baguntadi. Ye kahani lockdown ke time ki hai. Main Holi mein ghar aaya tha par lockdown ke karan yahi fasa reh gaya. Karib 15 din ho gaye the aur maine kisi ki chudai nahi ki thi bas hath se kam chalana pad raha tha.Pooja ki shadi ho gayi thi aur uske bad fir maine use contact karne ki koshish bhi nahi ki thi. Par ek rat mujhe nind nahi aa rahi thi to main uper chhat pe jane ka socha. Main bata du ki mere ghar mein 3 floor hai. Jisme ground floor pe papa mummy, 1st floor pe main aur 2nd floor pe bhaiya. . are you well?''Yes, Mel, I am, thanks.'Her companions voice filtered down the line, 'what's going on?''Leave me alone, will you?' Mel's voice was muffled again and Iguessed she had her hand over the telephone. 'Liz, are you stillthere?''Yes, I'm here.''Sorry about that...''Mel, are you interested in getting Femme...''Yes! Of course I want to! I've prayed you'd get well and we'dbe able to do it again. I really did.''Mel,' I said seriously, 'I need to explain some things to youall, so you know.
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