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I think maybe it was because I had briefly dated a black football player in high school before I met Jim. I never had sex with him other than one quic... hand job. Thinking back about that time is one of my regrets for not going further but also a source of many fantasies of what might have been. One Friday night after the k**s went to bed Jim put in another DVD he had just gotten. Jim said he specifically picked this DVD as the girl looked like me. I thought she was prettier but Jim kept saying. I felt sick! I was angry and yet sick. And yet also, just a little, excited. I'd never told my wife about my fantasy of seeing her with another man. She would have thought I was sick for suggesting it. But I needed to know what had gone on now. I wasn't sure which reason I needed it for. I was definitely hoping she had some excuse and it was all a mistake.I went into our bedroom and gently shook her shoulder. She rolled over. God she had red eyes and wet cheeks. I sort of knew without asking. She never seemed to give a damn what anyone thought or said about her. In that she was the exact opposite of me.After Ronald’s call, I got another one from Owen. He invited us to stay in the guest house overnight rather than have to drive up the day of the game or to motel it if we were to come up the night before. I demurred. We’d see about any rapprochement after our meet up with Abigail. If that worked out we’d be going to stage two but not before. The man didn’t push it.We had indeed come. I smiled at her, gave her a thumbs up and watched her leave for the day. And what a day it had been. Well, now for the night. I really hesitated about going home but I knew that I had to do it. With a heavy heart I packed up my things and left.The drive home was stressful. I had no idea what to do. I didn't want an argument but I also didn't want this to linger and fester in both our minds. I had to deal with things one way or another. I tried to come up with something concrete but as I pulled.
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