I think it might be something I'm afraid to want," she told me."Why do you say that, because of what happened to your mom, and me?" I asked."I guess. ...an I ask, when you broke up, did you love her?" she wanted to know.Truth be told, I never really knew exactly. I was young, and loved the sex. I guess I'd have to relive it to be completely sure."I don't know, but we can't tear apart little details like that. You gotta live in the 'now', and not the 'then'. You know what I mean?" I wondered."In. I dink handful after handful. Not realizing how thirsty I was, pausing to catch my breath, kneeling in the cold mud, feeling the water run down my chin and neck. Looking at my reflection in the water, seeing a weary young man with a gash over his left eye.. Carefully I clean myself as best as I can. Feeling a little steadier, I continue toward where I saw the smoke. Every step bringing me closer, my mind a flurry, where the hell am I? , how did I get here?, how did I get hurt? Coming to a. I become the property of the moment, the place, and everything else about the situation. I tell Chuck that I might be pregnant. I'm a week late on my period and I'm normally quite reliable. He congratulates me and Mickey and assures me that it won't interfere with my deer hunting this year. I laugh at his single-mindedness. I feel so relaxed that I want the trance to last forever, but I come out of it when I have to pee again."Damn Yank beer." I go back around the bush where I peed before."How. I started pushing aside clothes on the hangers. “Where’s that orange tank top with the flower? I wanted to wear it to the game tonight,” I asked while I began opening drawers. She got up quickly and grabbed my arm before I opened the last one. “ Sydney , you’ve got to quit doing that,” she said as she pulled the tank from a shelf. A shy smile slid across my mouth as I quietly sang, “So-rry.” She just rolled her eyes again and sat back on the bed. While I changed into the new top I watched.
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