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He just spent his time drinking and wallowing in self pity. Im sure he wasn’t being selfish on purpose, I mean it was just as hard on me, but althou...h I wanted him to know that I still loved him, there was no way I could. He hurt me. So when he died that night I felt so guilty that I hadn’t tried harder to pull him out of the depression that he had sunk himself into. I don’t think I will ever stop feeling guilty about it. We never had a proper barbeque after mum was first diagnosed, and at 7 I. In hindsight, I can see how it went down for him, finding a nice, fresh one, subtly peeling him away from the pack, luring him into the room with liquor and then just happen to have porn playing on the TV. At the time, however, I was just following the flow which found me standing in the man's room staring at some very hot porn with a glass of whiskey in my hand. I was tall, already 6'4". I weighed about 180, just tall and skinny, and thoroughly drunk. I was wearing an Air force t-shirt and. You had decided a long time ago that any sex was better than no sex, and if it meant cheating on your husband then so be it. You rationalised it by blaming him for being so shit in bed. You once joked with a close friend over drinks that you were so desperate you'd, "Fuck a tramp up a back alley if you didn't get some soon." The likelihood of that actually happening was zero, but it was your way of portraying your frustrations. She didn't help by declaring that her husband was very active. The following Saturday afternoon he called.“Hi, is this Taylor?”“Yep, this is me.”“Hey it’s me, Paul, from Craigs. Is this an ok time to call?”We talked for a few uneasy minutes. He said he was nervous and asked if I was, I assured him it was the same for me. I asked him what got him thinking about it and he said he wasn’t sure but attributed it to not having his gf around, boredom and watching porn. We decided we would meet up and agreed that when we did it was with the understanding that.
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